I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
