YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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