Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize