weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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