Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
