Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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