I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
farters have to be the big spoon...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Houston, we have a squirter
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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