She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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