mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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