someone threw a dead crab at me
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
