Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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