Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
