Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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