Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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