yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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