hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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