my vag is so smooth its legendary
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
