well most of my day revolves around power hour
I will be naked everywhere
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
