I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
