Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
