If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
