I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
