there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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