I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
