just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
