I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
