brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
