your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I can't put those talents on a resume
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
