i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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