all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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