I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
