Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
