the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
