She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
