fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So here I am, sexting at work.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize