I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
