im having a threesome with these popsicles
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
