I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
