if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
