For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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