if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize