Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
