You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize