fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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