Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
