I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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