Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't deserve a penis
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
