you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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