I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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