Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
