You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
