So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
