I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
