No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
