I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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