Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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