On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
