is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
