i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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