I need to stop coming to work sober
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
