Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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